Left: Em, @em.anne.u; Right: Taylor, @taymooh
Hey loves! I’m super excited to have Taylor, @taymooh on Instagram, guest writing on Em Anne with me today! Taylor is a fellow lifestyle blogger whose goal is to encourage girls in their self care and worth.
Taylor and I were chatting; we both hate seeing ladies dread their singleness. There’s a ton to learn from being single and it can truly be a sweet, fun season. With the being said, as single ladies we’ve decided to share our own ways of dealing with a break up and some of the perks & fun of being single!
Taylor’s writing will have T: in front of it & mine will have EM: in front of it for reference. : )
Dealing With The Breakup
EM: Okay, I’m not even going to sugar coat it. Break ups suck. I cried so much during my last one and definitely had my little miserable pity party. It was apart of the healing process for me. Everyone’s got to deal with it in their own way. For myself, I found being honest with the people around me about how I was feeling was really important. I also had to be honest with myself. I took the time to think of all the good things about the relationship, what I did not like about it and what I learned. My ex was also willing to talk with me after so, we met up just to kind of air anything out. This helped me to feel like I left the relationship with everything out there and gave me more certainty about my decision; making it easier to move forward.
EM: Post-pity party stage I really focused on dating myself. I took myself out, started keeping up with my beauty regime more and really worked on a lot of things I didn’t have time to when I was in a relationship like my blog and fitness routine. After taking some time to heal, I also wasn’t super shy about jumping back into the dating scene. It’s super fun to meet new people and learn what you’re into during the process.
T: I definitely agree with you!! Break ups are the worst. My last relationship taught me so much and I am still learning. I literally cried everyday and always got so angry. It showed a lot of his true colors and mine as well. We kept going back and forth for almost two years of weeping, waiting and fighting over things we can’t control. It was very manipulating and just altogether not fun. The reason why we had split was because I moved across the country and we are both very physical people; he couldn’t handle it. I should’ve let go at the very moment, but I kept holding on and ruined myself in the process. I knew what I needed to do the whole time and knew what was right for me, but I couldn’t stand to let him go. I was abusing myself. I hated myself for so long and I am just now shutting that door completely; being able to put it all behind me.
T: My post-pity party stage is going a lot like yours! I am able to focus on myself and put my goals in front of me. I do a lot of things by myself and I also got into painting! Since I am still new to the area, I still don’t have a lot of friends but I am always looking for new opportunities to meet others and get out there more.
Me Dates ALL the Time
EM: As I mentioned before, being single has given me SO much time to date me. I love getting to know myself more and taking the time to pamper myself. I feel like I’m working and living at my full potential now; it’s so refreshing. I hope I never go back to the place I was before my breakup (not even like relationship with ex wise but, my relationship with myself). At that point, I had really stopped doing little things for me and always felt exhausted. Now, I try to remind myself that I may not have this time again to just be single and do my own thing; I’m really trying to enjoy it. It’s like a relationship vacation.
T: Being single gives us a lot of freetime! I loveeee getting a pedicure! I work at a salon and spa, so there is plenty of pampering there!! Before, I never put myself first, loved myself first or anything like that because I never knew what it really meant. Being out here without girlfriends and people who understand my situation with my ex, put me in a place where I kinda stopped talking about it, crying about it and did something else. I started to paint as well as got really into makeup and skin care. Being single has taught me a lot about myself and my strengths and weaknesses.
You Call the Shots on Commitment
EM: You get to decide how committed you want to be! I’ll be honest, I used to be the BIGGEST hater of situation-ships. I didn’t get the just talking or casual fling thing but, I am now a full supporter to a degree, ha! Personally, with a busy schedule, it’s nice to see someone casually. I am open to a relationship at some point but, haven’t found someone I want to be on that level with yet. There’s no need to text 24/7, stress about what you are doing with the relationship and I can really give me 100% (not saying you can’t in regular relationships)! Obviously, some situation-ships can lead to heartbreak or them being you know what boys but, I think as long as you are honest about what you want and you both have a mutual understanding about it, they can be pretty fun! Nothing wrong with nice dates with a cute guy. ; )
T: I used to be the same way! I am actually terrible at flirting. I like to just keep it simple and think that I’m “one of the guys”. I love being friends with guys. I mean, I’ll be honest, my best friend in California so far is a BOY. But I have been able to set boundaries and friendzone him, just because I don’t want a relationship right now and I don’t want to hurt anyone in the process. We’re both on the same page, and have other commitments and priorities. So with all of that said, I honestly have too much going on in my life and I feel like I have plenty of time still. Although I am a long term relationship type of gal, I will still go on dates (I mean it’s free food or entertainment with a cutie, can’t pass it upp).
Keep Your Goals Straight
T: This one is easier said than done! For those who came from an unhealthy relationship and have been a people pleaser all their life, doing things for themselves or putting themselves first, almost feels selfish. For me, I love seeing others happy. I have always made sure everyone in the room has a big smile on their face and that my relationships have always been happy ones. But of course, I have good taste in men who show their true colors after being serious for a while lolz. When my ex and I kinda gave things up in the beginning of the year, I went to beauty school for Esthetics and skin care. I stopped going to GCU for teaching and went on a different path. I love skin care and esthetics but at the end, I felt like I didn’t do it for myself. Almost like I did it to prove it to others that I can actually do something right but it wasn’t for me. Although I do love my job, everything about it and I am proud of myself; here I am in November saying I wish I could go back and do it all for me. Now since I have let go of a lot of my past, I am happier and doing things for me now; I love it!! I love being able to wake up every morning, feel relaxed, and not stressed about a busy schedule. I thank God and the struggles I went through to get to where I am now! (I live in Cali. i mean what more do i have to say lol)
You Can Do Whatever You Want!
EM: I’m not saying you can’t do whatever you want in a relationship but, it definitely is at a whole different level as a single person. You don’t have to change your schedule around someone else; you can do whatever, whenever, with whoever. Having these boundaries is not a bad thing but, for those who are enticed by having less accountability relationship-wise or simply want to do their own thing, it’s definitely a perk!
T: I love that!! I’ll admit that I have used a few dating apps since I’ve moved here, (just to get out there more) and it always reminds me that I enjoy being single right now. I can go wherever I want, wear what I want and everything I wasn’t “allowed” to do in my past relationships and it makes me feel so good!! Even though I am not interested in dating right now, I do my best to remain open minded!
All in all being single can be hard, but it can also be a lovely time as well.
What are your thoughts on being single?
Love & light,
Em & Taylor